I’m a safe driver, not a safe passenger.

“Put on some music,” my husband said. We’d been in the car for hours by this point, and I was bored.

That prompt was enough to brighten my attitude. Usually whoever’s driving controls the playlist, and my husband drives in silence, contemplating nature and the greatness of the universe (or something). I can’t stand silence, so I fill it with podcasts and music.

Our musical preferences tend to align, but there…

I’m married. I have student debt, but my husband doesn’t. We have advanced degrees. We have retirement accounts, but we can’t afford to contribute to them.

We both qualify for the stimulus payment.

What? I’m a lawyer. He’s in finance. What the shit is going on here?

Income in the…

“Do you think he’ll say anything?” I whispered to my husband.

It was our first time throwing a party since we’d installed our brand-new addition to the family: the Tushy bidet. Tushy had been making the rounds in my Facebook ads ever since I purchased the Squatty Potty.

Yes, I thought, reviewing the bidet literature. This makes perfect sense.


They’d be shocked to learn what (who) I did on my birthday — with my husband present. A story of wedded bliss and ethical non-monogamy. And sex.

“So, what did you do for your birthday?”

My heart raced as I waved a careless hand. “Oh, you know. Just had some friends over. Booze and board games.” I cleared my throat. “Nothing exciting.”

Heat flushed my face at the sudden memory of Viv’s lips against my skin and her tongue between my thighs.

My birthday was…

Gertrude Highland

Editor of That Publication. Writer of smut and other things.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store