Blogger and self-help author Mark Manson’s most recent Monday newsletter started with this sentence: Look, I know you want to be that big badass with the sweet ass house and all the fancy letters after your name… Those words slapped me awake. Lately I’ve been feeling unmoored, drifting across the figurative plane. …

Why can’t he take a hint? Several hints? Let’s call him Brad. Brad’s a nice guy. Cute in a real estate agent sort of way. I went to college with him, always in the same circle of friends but never friends, you know? Then I graduated, and everything changed. My husband and I became ethically non-monogamous after several…

I’m a safe driver, not a safe passenger. — “Put on some music,” my husband said. We’d been in the car for hours by this point, and I was bored. That prompt was enough to brighten my attitude. Usually whoever’s driving controls the playlist, and my husband drives in silence, contemplating nature and the greatness of the universe (or something). I can’t stand silence, so I fill it with podcasts and music.

I’m married. I have student debt, but my husband doesn’t. We have advanced degrees. We have retirement accounts, but we can’t afford to contribute to them. We both qualify for the stimulus payment. This calculator tells you exactly how big your coronavirus stimulus check could be The $2 trillion stimulus bill in response to the COVID-19 pandemic was passed by the House Friday. President Donald…www.cnbc.com

“Do you think he’ll say anything?” I whispered to my husband. It was our first time throwing a party since we’d installed our brand-new addition to the family: the Tushy bidet. Tushy had been making the rounds in my Facebook ads ever since I purchased the Squatty Potty. Yes, I thought, reviewing the bidet literature. This makes perfect sense. After…

My name is Gertrude Highland, and I read fan fiction. The topic in question shall remain unnamed, but my favorite blog updates religiously at 8:15 on Thursday nights. My husband knows this is Reading Time and not to bother me. The writer hasn’t updated in two weeks. Is she dead? I thought, desperately refreshing my browser. Will she ever update…

… in my ass. — “I need some help,” my husband said. We were in the shower. In an effort to acquire stripper-soft legs, I was in the middle of a tedious shave with a five-blade razor. I decided to venture further north. I wanted to get everything. Some of the angles required assistance.

“I haven’t had sex with him all weekend,” my best friend Lisa told me in a hushed voice. “Not since he flew in from LA.” “Really? You just rolled over and went to sleep?” I slouched lower in the leather chair, turning sideways to hang my legs over the scrolled…

Dating is hard. Pandemics are harder. Dating during a global pandemic? Hardest. Coronavirus is a cock block. Plain and simple. It was just two weeks ago that my husband and I were playing with my new girlfriend and her boyfriend, all of us naked together in the living room. The social distancing measures are probably too…